The Life of a Life Coach? Meet March's Hustler: Mary Barrett!
Hi Mommy The Hustler’s readers,
I am so excited to introduce you this month’s Hustler!!!
Have you ever met a Life Coach and wondered how these Life Gurus actually live THEIR life? Here introduced Mary Barrett, lifecoach of the lifetime in Singapore.
Personally, I had thousands of questions and I promise I asked the most relevant but I wished I had another 2 hours with Mary.
I met Mary at her home, so peaceful, such a great energy. It’s a long one but stay there and let’s get right into it!
MTH: Mary, I am so happy we connected! You are, without a doubt, the perfect example of what hustling means!💪💪
You have started early in the nineties your coaching career until you built your own company. On your website there’s a long detailed “About” section but I want to dig deeper.
I want my readers to really get to know Mary, from her childhood and how she managed to become today’s successful entrepreneur and mother of two.
MTH: So Mary, where to begin? I have so many questions. First off, where were you born and raised? How do you recall your childhood being like? 👧
MB: “I was born, as one of four girls, in South London to Irish immigrant parents. When my parents first arrived in London in the 60’s from Southern Ireland, where they had lived in a small farming community, they met racism as they went to find their first boarding. On the front doors of the properties they were posters saying ‘No blacks, no dogs, no Irish’. As a result of that ‘welcome’ we were raised in a tight family community where we were only allowed to have friends that our parents trusted, which were mainly from Irish descent too. We embraced our Irish culture and all learnt Irish Dancing and Irish Music together, attending the local Churches socials at the weekends as a family. We lived in a small Public Housing apartment in a poor part of South London and as it wasn’t very safe to play outside we spent our time devouring books, we all still love reading, and developing our creativity by using our imagination to produce and star in our own plays. My parents knew that education was the key to financial freedom and ensured we all managed to get a place in the local Grammar School to enable us to have the best opportunity of choosing a sustainable career for each of us. Maybe that’s why, two of my sisters are School Teachers and one is Medical Doctor! “
MTH: At what point in life you figured out that coaching was your dream job? Back then, it wasn’t like today where being a life coach it is becoming more and more of a known job. 👀
MB: “I was fortunate enough to be a Bank Manager for Barclays retail sector in the early 90’s and they understood the value of educating Leaders of their people in Coaching skills to improve performance. I was chosen to be a delegate on a pilot course run by Sir John Whitmore, the founder of The GROW Coaching Model, and I immediately could understand the power of Coaching and the direct improvement that can occur in performance in any area of ones life. After using the GROW model as a Leader for a few years I discovered Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) which works to make transformational change at the level of the unconscious mind. NLP enables deep rooted and sustainable change to occur and once I had observed all the results these models could achieve I knew they were a sound foundation for me to be a Coach. Meanwhile over these last 30 years I have always educated myself, I now have the highest qualification and accreditation in NLP, continue to learn the most cutting edge of applied positive psychology and Emotional Intelligence which enables me to have an ‘encyclopaedia’ of ‘tools’ to help people from every culture, gender and age.
Yes, Life Coaching is more accepted and more widespread now, which is great news as there are more people that need to be supported and the number is growing! Sadly there is more anxiety, depression and stress related illnesses than ever before.
I love helping people face and dissolve their fears, I am a Thought Disrupter, a Catalyst for Change and a Stretcher of Infinite Possibilities. When you change your thinking, it changes how you feel, which changes how you behave and then your results change. When you are in charge of your mind, you are in charge of your results.”
MTH: You have started your career in coaching in 1990 in London, fast forward 16 years later, your skills, grit and passion turned you into a successful entrepreneur and you now are the proud owner of ButterflyMango. 🦋 Drive me through that moment when you told yourself “I’m going to do this” and share with you the start of setting up your company. 🥂🥂
MB: “After working with Barclays for 19 years I was headhunted to work as a Regional Quality Manager for BMW. For 3.5 years I worked with 15% of the UK network to design and align processes to an audited standard to improve business performance. At the same time I was chosen by BMW Germany to be the first female MasterCoach training all the Coaches for Europe. I had achieved some great results but after 3 years I started to remember my dream of starting my own business but as I was single I had financial commitments, not least a mortgage to fund, I didn’t know how I could make it work. I genuinely loved working with the Dealerships, wonderful, inspiring people and was constantly thrilled by driving my fabulous BMW cars, however I knew that wasn’t enough reason to stay. I had read a book many years before by Susan Jeffers ‘Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway’ and when I arrived at the age of 39 years (young!) I decided that I needed to make the jump to develop my dream of being an Entrepreneur. I gave myself permission to experiment with it for a year and said to myself that the worst case scenario was I could always get another job. I took my courage in both hands, listened to my heart and my gut and made a decision that I have never regretted. Six weeks later I left full time 23 years Corporate employment with 2 days training work in my diary(yes and I had to give back my car, laptop, mobile phone etc too). For the first 12 months I just put myself out there and said YES to any training opportunity that came up to gain an understanding of what I did love to do and as importantly what I didn’t. Within 18 months of starting my business I moved to live in Stockholm, Sweden, with my boyfriend at the time. We lived there for 4 years and I continued developing my business which did involve a lot of commuting around airports all around Europe. The 10 years ago, my now husband, then got the opportunity to come to work in Singapore and I arrived as a ‘Trailing Dependent’ until I started my business again. So I’ve actually started my business 3 times now in 2 different continents!”
MTH: So many years of personal and professional growth definitely made you the person you are today. So who is Mary today?👩💼
MB: “First, I would say that I am a mother which is my most important role as I value it the most. It took me a long time to become a mother, 18 years, 5 fertility treatments, completing the adoption process in two continents and 2 husbands. And anyone who has been down that path knows how much emotional resilience, determination and the ability to deal with disappointment that takes. As a parent I am a constant work in progress as, to date, it’s the most challenging and joyful ‘job’ I have ever had. In my 50’s I am physically at the fittest I have ever been from a result of my habitual dedication to yoga, meditation and good nutrition.
Professionally I would like to think that I have got wisdom now from decades of applying my knowledge, skills and experiences which makes the whole proposition personally very empowering. I love enabling people to get the best of themselves to shine, to release their fears, to develop and to move forward. I love being an Alchemist and allowing people to be the best version of themselves to enjoy and be happy in this one and only life we have.”
MTH: You have tons of experience in coaching teams and individuals, what is the ratio between female 👩🏻🦰and male👨🏻 reaching out to you for help in enhancing their personal and professional lives? And why do you think is it?
MB: “It’s interesting because when I started my business 16 years ago the vision and goal was different than it is today. Its gone through its own metamorphosis as I’ve learnt and grown, become a mother and lived in different countries. Last year I thought strategically what type of meaningful work do I want to do moving forward and I realised that there are 3 main categories that makes my heart sing and I have achieved significant results with:
MasterLeaders – Senior Executive males and Senior Executive females who don’t have children.
I think both men and women really need that independent sounding board, as the higher you go up the hierarchical tree the less you can share your challenges with your colleagues and sometimes it can be quite lonely. Men just voice their insecurities in a different way but their needs are just as warranted. It’s a great privilege to be their Personal Cheerleader, help create clarity out of chaos and give them the self belief and self confidence in their own abilities.
Mastermums - Mums who are working, who want to go back to work or start their own business.
I added this specific category from significant personal experience that when you change to being a parent your paradigm of the working world completely shifts and you need different resources and improved understanding to be able to manage it all. Issues like ‘Imposter Syndrome’ lack of self identity and self worth are incredibly common. There is an almost complete value realignment that needs to be consciously managed too.
Masterteams I am an educator so I love sharing my knowledge and as more people can understand how their mind works there will be more peace in their world and ultimately the world. Its such fun leading groups as the energy shift is different, you can get more collaboration, sharing of best practice and improved holistic results for the individual, team and organisation.
I am fortunate that almost a 100% of my clients of both genders are personally recommended or referred to me.”
MTH: Today’s life is extremely stressful, phones ringing, social media notifications coming through by the minute, high performance expectations at work, busy children school and social life to juggle. Parents, but I have to say, mostly moms, are facing more and more pressure while trying to manage it all. Is this a new “disease” of society? What do you recommend to the women out there that want to be the perfect mom but also want to reach their professional goals? Are there any tricks you can spare with us?
MB: “That’s a really valid point and I use the word dis-ease, as life can be extremely stressful with more and more demands being made on us on a 24/7 basis. As mentioned, sadly there is more anxiety, depression, burn out than ever before. You used the key word perfection and there really is no such thing as perfection, as Elizabeth Gilbert says ‘it’s a haute couture of fear’. Blend that with this comparison game that people play with social media people comparing the FB photos of not real lives to their real life and it plays a big negative part in how we feel. To combat that never ending onslaught I believe one the biggest gifts any mum, working or SAHM can give themselves is permission to take care of themselves . I use the word permission really strongly because its almost as if part of giving birth you get a placenta replacement called guilt instead. My two children are adopted and although I didn’t physically give birth to them I still managed to inherit that guilt. One of the common issues I hear regularly over the number of years and the range of clients I have is “ I feel guilty if I go to yoga class, I feel guilty if I don’t do the bed time stories, I feel guilty I am not there for their ‘firsts’, I feel guilty I am not able to go to the sports event and the list goes on. Number one, actually that guilt helps nobody, you or your family, and two the key learning is that the more you give to yourself the more you can give to your children and your work. The common analogy of travelling on an aeroplane and they talk you through the emergency procedure which tells you if there is an emergency the oxygen mask will come down and if you have children, you as a parent, have to put the mask on yourself first is so true! I adore Oprah Winfrey and she wisely says we have to be ‘full of self’, its not selfish. The more we nurture ourselves the happier we are, we then have the emotional and physical capacity to do better parenting and enjoy our work more too.”
MTH: This is a question I always ask my hustlers because I think it is important that women understand they are not alone in facing struggles, ups and downs but there’s always a way to make it through. What have been the challenges you faced in your journey as entrepreneur and how did you overcome them?
MB: “One of the main challenges I have faced is that it can feel quite lonely when you are a sole entrepreneur, you have to juggle so many tasks and be incredibly self motivated. Monday mornings I found to be the most challenging trying to get motivated after a weekend of parenting logistics, socialising and overseeing homework! So I set up a weekly MMMM Monday Morning Motivational Meeting with a business colleague of mine. We spend 90 minutes talking through what we have achieved, what we have learnt and what we are focussing on for the following week. It certainly is one of my business critical success factors. It’s so very important to proactively find people who lift you higher and support you emotionally. I know that who you spend time with is who you become so surrounding myself with positive, courageous, inspiring people has helped me through those tough years when you really don’t know where your next client, next idea, next mistake is going to come from or you just need an empathetic ear to offload to, someone to challenge you and have weekly accountability of delivery.
Also I truly believe in outsourcing anything that you are not good at. IT, powerpoints, digital marketing etc are not my strengths and certainly it is not a good return on the investment of me! As a result I have found myself a fabulous Virtual Assistant who manages my Social Media plus lots of IT administrative tasks. These leaves me free to concentrate on the stuff that I love to do and time to be creative, write articles and develop new opportunities. “
MTH: I would love for you to share with Mommy The Hustler’s readers your future personal and professional goals. ⚽️🥅
MB: “My personal goal is to continue working on being the best parent I can be for my children. I believe that the legacy we give our children is our thinking. I want them to know that their uniqueness is to be celebrated and its more important to be kind than clever! Every day before they leave for school I tell them to have fun, learn lots, being kind to themselves and others and to make responsible choices.
Professionally in the short term I want to reach wider audiences to share my wisdom and learnings with more independent MasterLeader and MasterMum workshops and events. And one of my longer term ambitions is to run retreats for burnt out, busy people to come and learn MasterMind techniques, practise yoga, eat and be educated about nutritious food. It will be an ‘All About Me’ exclusive experience with a small intimate group in luxury locations around the world.”
MTH: I am so curious, how do your coaching lessons work? What your clients should expect and what outcome Butterfly Mango can swear by?
MB:. “I truly honour people who are looking to find a coach because I believe takes a lot of courage, it’s the first stage of admitting that “I am feeling a bit vulnerable and I need some help”. The majority of my clients need support in manifesting a dream or specific goal they want to achieve, for example, changing their career, wanting to move up the next ladder in their organisation or starting their own business. People generally come to me when something is not going right in their life, in their work, relationship or are suffering from depression or anxiety and they need to build their self confidence and self believe in themselves.Its critically important that when you are seeking a Coach that you need to feel comfortable with them and as I mentioned the majority of my clients are recommended to me so that really helps build the necessary trust . So firstly I offer a complimentary ‘chemistry’ session because I want to check I am the right Coach for the client and that I can actually help with their issue or goal. Providing we both agree that the connection is right then we start the Coaching sessions.
The average number of Coaching sessions for the first issue or goal is about 6 to 10 sessions. The first session is for 90 minutes where I educate the client on how their 3 minds work and complete a detailed diagnostic questionnaire. I meet with the client 2 or 3 times in first 8 weeks, as similar if you want to get physically fit and you join a gym, you need to build momentum, you need to build up the muscle. As I am ‘a progressionist not a perfectionist’ I measure my clients progress at each subsequent session and dependent on that progress we schedule the next sessions. In between sessions I give my clients ‘Homefun’ activities to accelerate their results. Homefun consists of selected learning from my ‘encyclopaedia’ of information which has all my 30 years of collating recommended books, podcasts, TED talks, youtube clips etc.
I can guarantee that when you choose me as your Coach life will change for the better, once you understand that you are in control of your own mind and therefore your results, magic does happen, life improves and overall you will be happier about who you are and where you are going!
MTH: This, I promise, is the last question. What’s next for you, what’s next for Butterfly Mango? I can’t wait to hear what’s cooking. 🌈
MB: “Thank you for asking! I am excited to share that I am presently working on 3 main projects – I get so many requests from women who are at a ‘crossroads’ in their life, I always say ‘never a crossroads, always a roundabout’ and want they want help with the next stage of their careers, to find purpose, well being and balance. So I am planning on organising a series of workshops to service this great need.
Secondly, I am addicted to podcasts, its such a fabulous free resource to educate and entertain ourselves! I have decided to create my own A Cup of Tea with Mary B, showcasing and interviewing ‘Real People, Real Lives’, ordinary people living extraordinary day to day lives. I have a list of MasterMums and MasterLeaders, a lot of them have been clients of mine, that I want to interview as I am always blown away by their unique talents and gifts they have and I want to share their stories to inspire others.
And thirdly I want to finish my book, I have had this on my list for too long……and I want to give more people simple practical tips on how to make their worlds better. I have Albert Einsteins quote above my desk ‘ Any intelligent fool can make things bigger and more complex, it take a touch of genius and a lot of courage to move in the opposite direction’ as a reminder.
MTH: Well thank you Mary, this time with you was awesome and without even knowing you have started changing my life!
Want to chat with Mary too?
visit her website: www.butterflymango.com
